You know what’s crazy? I think I am turning into a writer!

hahaha

Sorry I actually had to laugh at myself there for a sec.

I am not a writer...I’m a storyteller.

yeah that’s better ;-)

Actually, I think knowing who I am finally is helping me grow up.

Today I pawned my two canon cameras to pay my rent and pay some bills.

I am not good with money. I suck at it honestly. I would give it away if I knew someone needed it. I never have cared about how much money I have. It has always just come and gone. But now I live in LA and gas is $6.25 a gallon and hyperinflation is a real thing. $20 is not $20 anymore. Time for Phil to grow up.

Funny thing is, in my desperation I am finding myself relying more on God to supply my needs.

I had a life changing personal breakthrough in Dec of last year. Here is a Link to my IG post if you want to know more about that click >>> Instagram post
Sorry back to today. (I am dyslexic and I have ADHD or however that goes… )

I ran out of gas...and no I did not forget that I was low on gas. I had $5 in my account and I was on my way to get my camera to take it to the pawn shop for $$.

There I was sitting in the middle of the road thinking to myself, “Wow you are a failure.”

I sat there and made a choice. I can complain and make excuses or I can do something about it.

Then I thought this is a good time to listen to a chapter in the bible. I have started listening everyday. Well I don’t always do it, but I try, and I have been doing really good. I think it has made a difference in how I see things.

I called my mom and told her that I needed $10 so I could get some gas. She reminded me to pray and ask for some help. I did and long story short, my parents gave me $25 and I got some help from a very nice tow truck guy. I was on my way, got my cameras pawned and paid my rent! Boom

I’m really enjoying finding myself and discovering who I am, what I like and why I like it. I can’t really explain it but it’s a beautiful thing to wake up. I’m really enjoying that right now. We take it for granted. I’m falling in love with being alive. I used to live in this dark, dark world of regret, shame and fear...mostly fear. Fear of what other’s thought, fear of not being enough, fear of failure, fear of people finding out how uneducated and dumb I feel, fear of not being accepted for being odd and weird and goofy. And now I feel no fear. I feel empowered and meaningful. I feel like I have a voice and value. And I know who my God and Lord and Savior is and He knows my name. He knows how many hairs are on my head and He Loves me. And that is all I need.

Daniel 3:16-28

Thanks for reading.

Phil